so i went out with my friends in the middle of the night because it’s been months since we last saw each other. i underwent a major operation when i donated my liver to my nephew. so yep, we planned that we should have this bonding before january ends and they wanted it to be in a unli korean grills late at night. i seriously wanted to refuse and back out not just because i was feeling too lazy to get out of house after working all day but because it would be very bad for my health to be eating the dishes in those kind of restaurants and i have a very early shift the following day. but they still wanted to push through with the korean grill eventhough i already mentioned my case with them.
knowing that they cancelled other appointments for our late night dinner, i decided to still go despite this feeling of uneasyness in me. i went out of our house secretly since my mother would never allow me to eat the foods in there, especially in large servings. so yep, i thought it would be worth it to break some rules and compromise my health if i would be with them. but i guess it wasn’t. the night was just full of gossips and unhealthy chitchatting. the only thing that actually made the night sensible was the time we catched up with each other. i don’t know, maybe im just not used to hearing gossiping and degrading other people anymore since i’ve been inside our house for months.
when i got home, my mother was already mad at me and yelling things like “don’t your friends care about your health?” “don’t they know that you’re still recovering?” “are they really your friends?” “stop counseling people who have problems. youre not even sure if they’ll show up if you get hospitalized!” “mind your self before minding other’s businesses” yeah things like that. i was really tired and drained that night but i still appreciated my mother for her concern.
and she was right and wrong, i guess. she was right when she told me that those friends i have doesn’t care that much if i’m recovering with my health, they want their sacrifice to be appreciated by actually coming to our meeting place despite my certain conditions. people tend to be selfish at times and only sees what they’ve given instead of seeing other people’s concerns. she was also right when she told me i should mind myself first knowing that i’m still recovering from my surgery. however, my mom was wrong on the part that i shouldn’t care about them because they don’t care as much about me. i believe that when we love people and do things for them, we shouldn’t expect anything in return. yes people don’t love and give efforts in the same language but that shouldn’t make us stop crossing an ocean for others.
this happened on past midnight and i decided not to sleep because i was afraid i’d be late on my morning shift. so i spent the night crying and praying for all the struggles my friends are carrying and thinking why they don’t care as much about me.
yeah, there’s been a lot of realizations but i wish to disclose those things in my upcoming posts. it’s not easy to love the people who don’t reciprocate the same amount of love you’re giving.
